Bingo: www.Vicktorya.com 

If you missed the original, issued in limited quantities in North Carolina, Texas and California (from 1985 through 1988), here's your chance to revisit or expose yourself to the language of fighter pilots in the USMC and Navy.
 
  The following is a spoof on the official pilot 'bible', the NATOPS manual. From the following gold button, or at the bottom of this page, you will find links on a separate page to the alphabetical glossary. If you have corrections or additions, feel free to write to me. As the original was current only up to the late 1980's, much should have changed -- tradition notwithstanding. Thank you for your attention. (You might even remember me.)    --  Vicky Kaufer

NATOPS *
PILOT CHECKLIST

F, A, & H
 &
TF, A, & H
1940 AND UP
 

 *  Naval Aviation Teasing & Obscure Publication Society
 

ISSUED BY SOLE AUTHORITY OF THE AUTHOR ALONE AND UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE WARPED LITTLE BEING RESIDING WITHIN HER.

This publication is required for non-official use and for donations of large sums of cash to be sent the author. Distribution is unlimited.

Requests for hardcopy may be best ... emailed ...
 

 Original copyright established 1985
 A2-NBC-29902-2948
  June 1999, Web version
  March 1994, Version 3.1
  10 April 1989, 3rd version
  17 May 1987, 2nd version
 

Reproduction for military use of the information contained in this publication is not permitted without specific approval of someone with a clue.  The policy for use of this unclassified publications is established by trial and error.  See a lawyer.

                   LIST OF EFFECTIVE PAGES

TOTAL NUMBER OF PAGES IN THIS PUBLICATION IS SOMETHING UNDETERMINABLE IN THIS WEB VERSION, BUT CONSIST OF THE FOLLOWING:

PAGE #   DESCRIPTION  PAGE #   DESCRIPTION
    Table of Contents
    Introduction
    Glossary

APPENDICES
 1 Emergency Procedures
  OUT OF CONTROL
  SMOKE IN FACE, FUMES FROM COCKPIT, OR HAIR ON FIRE
  COCKPIT TEMPERATURE HIGH
  CAUTIONS
 5 FIXED WING AIRCRAFT
13 HELICOPTERS
15 AIRCRAFT CARRIERS
16 LETTER IDENTIFYERS FOR AIRCRAFT & SQUADRON TYPES
18 NAVY, MARINE & NFO PIPELINES AND RAGS
20 RANK APPENDIX
21 AIRSTATIONS
 

Vic note: I can't find my file right now that has the appendices, but I'll keep looking ... old files never die, they just get put in the bottom of a drawer or box somewhere.

ADDITIONAL COPIES:

Additional copies of this manual and changes thereto may be procured by submitting any nonessential form to the address listed on the title page. The cost is as high as the market will bear
and delivery will be as soon as I can get around to it without really putting myself out.  Thanks.
 

INTERIM CHANGE SUMMARY

       To be maintained by the custodian of this manual

INTERIM          ORIGINATOR DATE
CHANGE            (OR DATE/TIME          PAGES       REMARKS/
NUMBER                GROUP)            AFFECTED     PURPOSE
 

A2-NBC-2992-YNOT

This glossary is more than a list of definitions, acronyms, abbreviations and jargon.  While it does contain explanations to Mom, that PICKLE, MEATBALL and DONUT aren't things a pilot eats (I doubt he eats nearly that well) and it allows the 'Lynettes' of the world to peek into a pilot's libido to understand what UPWIND LEG, HEADWORK, and HOLDING HANDS really mean to him.  It also illustrates to a ROTC hopeful what sub-classes of INSTRUCTORS he may encounter and what are some of the tactical terms used in DOGFIGHTING.  But this accumulation of comments is more than talking about those who are famous in their BVD'S to SIERRA HOTEL in fighter tactics.  It is much more cock-eyed, offensive, and tactless.

What is at the heart of this subject is men [note: men in some of these contexts will now also include women, your guess as to when ...] who are in charge of roaring sheaths of jet-powered metal muscle that they call "weapons platforms."  Keep in mind that they are more like athletes or rock stars than the stereotype of an officer or a gentleman.  The difference is that these men learned that the activity they wanted was flying, and the type of flying they needed could only be had in the military.  Once they realized that it could be possible for them to become, MAN-GOD fighter pilots there was no stopping them.

If it wasn't for this outlet and its inherent restrictions, they'd surely be the wildest long-haired bikers, fastest skiers, most wanted smugglers, most valuable baseball players, or most notorious degenerates in the world.  (Okay, granted, some of them would be unsuccessful used car salesmen and impotent politicians.)

My point of view comes from watching these men travel through the decisions and crises of their chosen profession.  I have stood amazed and awed by the rapidity with which their dissati-sfaction with the system turns to childlike glee by the one simple act of getting on "the flight schedule".  I have seen carrier landings on living room coffee tables, Vice Admirals break dancing at the stroke of midnight, and other far more dead-from-the-neck-up events than I care to recall.  I hope you can be at least half as entertained as I have been.  But, keep your head up, all is not as it seems.

No introductory statement is complete without some form of "thank you" that authors make in order to spread the guilt around among their closest supporters and associates.  There-fore, I'd first like to thank my husband who got me into this whole mess to begin with, I really appreciate it honey.  [Note: we're now divorced, but, I don't blame the military].  A squeeze to all of our friends from the Beevillian times who allowed me to really enjoy military living before any of us even found out what it was really like.
I have only myself to blame for any criticisms which those who are much more serious than I may levy against this attempt at humor, or for any errors of omission or commission I unknowingly have committed.  (Please note, I am well aware that many corrections and additions are desperately needed, please contribute.  This may be your golden opportunity to see yourself in print.)

A final and all comprehensive thanks and levying of blame to the entire personnel of the Navy and Marine Corps (and their dependents), my parents and siblings, the current state of world affairs, my personal socio-economic situation, the weather, and my wordprocessor for allowing me to engage in such a humiliating and yet rewarding activity. (They should have known better -- it's well known that the wordprocessor is like sand to the tip of the freeworlds' sword.)

take me to the glossary!